Smilin' Bob

When I turn on my TV set
What's the message that I get?
No matter how nature's cheated you
There's always something you can do

Now you can't be a hunk if you ain't got hair
And jewelry makes chicks stop and stare
But nothin's more important than takin' care
To make sure that things work right down there

     Cause there's no better measure of your value as a man
     Than the part you use to pleasure any woman that you can
     So if you're havin' trouble just gettin' in the game
     There's a cure out there to fix the problem you're too shy to name

If you just can't seem to do the job
Then follow the lead of Smilin' Bob
It'll cost you a healthy chunk of dough
But you'll smile as you watch your best friend grow

You'll be living large, so what the hey?
Just read the fine print where they say
If you don't want the gains to go away
You gotta take it till your dying day

Solo

     Now don't feel abandoned - just turn on your TV
     There are all kinds of solutions there for everyone to see
     And if you thought that Janet's bare breast at the Super Bowl was bad
     Just try to explain to your 8-year-old what doesn't work on Dad!

Viagra started all the rage
With ads plastered on every page
Online now I can't check my mail
Without reading about the next big sale

They got purple pills and pink ones too
And one just might be right for you
But if you last 4 hours hit the road
And find a doc 'fore you explode!

Solo

     Yeah for years we've laughed at women who spent money on their hair
     On makeup and on implants and on wardrobes and on Nair
     But there's nothing in this universe that even can compare
     To the lengths that men will go to when their egos get a scare

So good luck guys I wish you well
I hope your pride will always swell
And may you never ever find
A woman who wants you for your mind

Yeah you might just land on your behind
If she wants you for your mind