Diet

Well I know my feet are down there
But they're gettin' hard to see
And my guitar's lookin' mighty small
When it's hangin' off of me
Buttonin' up my shirt is work now
Zippin up my pants hard
Yeah there just ain't no denyin'
I'm a big, fat tub of lard
It's high time for a diet I can follow to the letter
If I wanna keep on livin' then I'd best start eatin' better

Now I gotta cut out carbs
So that rules out fries and breads
Instead of taters I get salads
Instead of white wine I get red
No more wings or fatty brisket
No more chocolate cakes or pie
And they tell me that the beer I love's a real fast way to die
But I need this diet I gotta follow to the letter
If I wanna keep on livin' then I'd best start eatin' better

Solo

Well my head it won't stop achin'
And my stomach turns and groans
And the fiber helps me read more
Cause it strands me on the throne
I feel tired, I feel listless
I don't wanna leave my bed
I could use a shot of whiskey
But I get celery instead
You know "die" and "diet" only differ by a letter
That's why I'm feelin' so much worse since I started eatin' better

Solo

I admit that there's some logic
In all the stuff the doctors say
And I know if I don't take action
Then the fat won't go away
And I've gotta make these changes
If I'm going to survive
Even if I'm so damned cranky
That I hate being alive
You know "die" and "diet" only differ by a letter
That's why I'm feelin' so much worse since I started eatin' better

Yeah "die" and "diet" only differ by a letter
That's why I'm feelin' so much worse since I started eatin' better